Angels

Are there really Angels among us? I was listening to the radio tonight and they were talking about angels. People see them around other people. So what do you think? I heard a story once from Joyce Myer, she said that after one of her shows someone came up to her and told her this story. There was a man and a women that attended the conference. The man had brought the women for her birthday and was mostly there just for her. After Joyce spoke the husband asked the wife. Who were the 4 men in white coats that followed Joyce during the show. His wife was confused and asked what men. He said that when Joyce came out on the stage 4 men followed her and when she started to speak they drew swords and stood at attention the whole time. There were no men on the stage that anyone else say but a glimpse from God for this man to see the angels that guarded Joyce. The man was saved that night!! So it just got me thinking again....do I really have angels that are with me? Do you have angels that are with you? What kind of Godly power do these angels hold for us? I have heard that they respond to the Word of God, what am I missing out on? Just a thought, one of those questions you have and can't figure out and put to the back of your mind. Like this one,will I get to see my babies when I get to heaven? How old will they be? Will they know me? Do they know and see me know? Oh man I could go on for days!! Guess I just need to be in prayer and word to get some real answers!

Good Old Times

Today for me was a blast from the past! Listening to old music, watching old movies and thinking about old times. It is fun to think about the time when I was younger and the fun things I used to do along with the stupid things I used to do. I was watching karate kid tonight, Love that movie and just remembering where I was in my life when I first saw that movie. I was probably in Junior high, looking pretty nerdy and thinking that I knew everything there was to know about live. Man I didn't know anything!! Don't you just wish that for one minute you could be a kid again? No bills, no responsibilities but maybe cleaning your room and going to school for free and getting an education. What was I thinking when I said I wanted to grow up and move out! Now I have more bill than I can pay, more responsibility than I probably want and I can't go to school because I can't afford it. Man we really had it made back then!! But anyways the times are fun to remember I guess and even though I did some stupid things I would not change anything! One of the biggest mistakes that I thought I made at the time was getting pregnant at 15, probably not the right age but differently the right child! Cody is differently the BIGGEST blessing in my life and I could not ever imagine not having him in it. He is 15 now and will be16 in November. Thinking about old times I remember when I was pregnant with him looking at his car seat thinking I can't wait until he is here and now he is getting ready to drive. Where does the time go? So I guess my point is time flies so don't talk it for granted and take the time to remember the good and the bad there is always a lesson learned or to be learned with each experience.

Bucket List

So I was thinking it may sound crazy but I think I want to make a bucket list. There are so many things that I want to do and places I would like to go. I have many excuses why I can't or don't but that true is I can do all these things if I put my mind to it and think ahead. So here is my bucket list as of right now.


1. Take my son to China
2. Go to France
3. Do missionary work in another country
4. Reach my weight loss goal.
5. Get my nursing degree
6. Ger out of debt
7. Climb a mountain
8. Sky dive
9. Open a center to help the homeless


I am sure I can think of more but these are some of the top. So now the mission is to get started on it.....where do I start???

When He Speaks

So I don't know about you but when God speaks to me He speaks to me. Today He was really speaking to me about someone that I work with. I think that probably from day one I had been told that this person was controlling and mean. So that is pretty much how I have seen her from the beginning. I have let myself get caught up in what other people said instead of getting to know this person for who they really are. I am sure like all of us this person as their faults and has areas in her life that need work, but we all do! So today God was really speaking to me about getting to know her, pray for her and to try and understand her. It is so much easier for us to just talk crap about someone than it is to pray for them and befriend them. Why is that so hard? I think for me it was putting my pride a side and telling her that I was sorry for judging her on the basis of what other people have said and letting the form my opinion of her. Jesus did not come to heal the well He came to heal the sick. That is the message I was getting today as I looked at this person. She is hurting, she needs pray and that is what I should be doing for her. Jesus said that it is easy to love someone that loves you, but what we should be doing is love those who don't love us so we can show them Jesus and so that they might be saved. I see that need in this persons eyes. Pray for your enemy, I would not say that she is my enemy but I would say she is someone that I would not normally befriend. So here is the challenge. God is telling me that I am to help her pray for her and help lead her to Him. How am I going to do this? I am not so sure. I think I am going to start with prayer, prayer and more prayer! God lead me in the direction you want me to go and help me see what You see, hear what You hear and say what You would say.

Weight Watchers

Well, I am down 14.6 as of today and I tell you it feels great to finally be doing this and getting it right. Before I stopped after a couple weeks but this time I am going all the way. I have 8 more pounds until I hit my 10% and the I get 10% key chain. I know that it may sound funny but I can't wait to get it. My total goal is to loss 60 pounds and keep it off and I really think I can do it this time!! So excited!! I know that it is not much to say to night but man I am just so happy!

Doubting

So I am seeing that there is much more the this bloggin than meets the eye. I am kinda digging it!! So I have not sent the letter yet I was really feeling yuck this weekend about it. I know that it is the right thing to do but I know that once I send this letter that will be the end of it. So I was praying that God would just give me another sign that this was really His will and not just me being scared. So I called my friend Carla this morning. You may remember me talking about her before she was the one that brought me to my relationship with Christ. Anyway, she is really hard to get a hold of and this morning I got a hold of her. I have not talked to her in about month and there she was. It was so nice to hear her voice I just needed a little reasurence you know. So I gave her the full story and she confirmed what I need to hear. She said " Margie as badly so you want a baby for you to hear that this is not your child has to be God" I just needed to hear it again. She said that she would continue to pray but that is what she felt when I told her. So I am going to mail the letter tomorrow. I have to let this go, besides I am borning myseld with talking and thinking about this so much. I want to move on! So I will!!

The Hardest Letter I Have Ever Had To Wright

Ok so this is the letter I will send to my brother. Please read and comment I am open to any suggestion before I send it.


Dear Marc and Rachell,

This is probably that hardest letter I will ever have to wright. First of all I want to tell you that the gift you are offering me is the most amazing gift I could ever ask for and will ever be offered again. I want this child more than you or anyone knows that is why it make this even hard to say. I have decided not to take the baby. I know that you are probably wondering why I did not just call you and tell you this and the reason is this. I want you to really HEAR what I am saying from my heart and I felt that the only way I could do that was to but it on paper. I want this baby! I want it so bad my hands shake and I cry as I write this letter. I feel like I am turning away my last change to ever have another child and it scares me to death! But what has brought me to my decision is God. I hope that the two of you can understand this and you may even think that I am crazy but this is the truth. Through all this miscarriages I have had I have heard God telling me that my child will come, but I have to be patience and wait on Him. I have been waiting 15 years now and I thought that your offer of this child was the answer to that pray but I feel that is not true. I am constantly reminded of Sarah in the bible. If you don't know that story I will share it with you now. Sarah and her husband were promised a child by God and Sarah just became older and older with still no child. She decided that she would let her husband be with the maid servant so that he could have an child. Long story short Sarah did end up having a child but had to go though letting her husband be with another women and see them have child which I can imagine was painful and in the end the pain was unnecessary if she would have just been patience and waited on God. I don't want to be like Sarah. I want to be able to have a child and it be in Gods will. I hope that you can understand what I am say and if not at least respect my decision. This child is a blessing. Maybe he was not planed but he is a blessing and he has a brother and a sister waiting for him when he gets here, along with two parent and grandma and grandpa that will love him as well. I know that this will be a struggle for you but that is what family is for and we will all be here for you. Please don't think either that it is because it was a boy that I am say no because that can't be further from the truth. Boys are great and they sure do love their mothers I would give anything to experience that all over again. I can't tell you how often I look at Cody and wish he was still a little guy running around the house in a towel as a cape. Boys are a joy!! So I hope that you both understand and know how much I love you both for what you have offered me, again it is truly the best gift I could have ever asked for.

Love,
Margie

Stange The Things That Make You Think

So I finally saw the movie Avatar, if you have not seen it yet a totally recommend you take a look. It is out us ( people on earth going to another plant and trying to force the people there to leave so we could get this rock that was worth a lot of money. Typical get greed factor. The thing that entreated me was the place that they lived. It was so beautiful and amazing it got me thinking about heaven. I know that this is just a very small window into the amazing wonders that God has waiting for us but I still just longed to be there. I know it sounds weird but I think that it was just the peace and the beauty that drew me. It makes me excited for the thought of Heaven and what it will be like!! I just can't imagine! It also makes me think about what I have done lately to prove that I deserve this gift? What have I done lately or am I doing to further the kingdom? What is my purpose here? I go to work and home everyday, I am a slave to my debt and feel like I can't get any were I until I get rid of it. Lesson learned? Yes but I know that I need to be doing something I am just not sure what. I am reminded of a story that a pastor told us once when he was asking people to volunteer in the Church. He said that him and his brother were play and he fell and hit his foot. In extreme pain he looked down and saw that his little toe nail was gone. Oh the pain he said. He said that it was something very small and that did not seem very important to him until it was missing. He explained that even though you might feel like you are not doing anything major in the church or in life and that no one will miss you the truth is that every thing that everyone does is important and when you are gone everyone feels it. So I guess I know that there is nothing to small that I can do but I just need to start doing it. What do you all do to help bless people and please God?

Not to much to say about this photo, just want to share him will the blogg world. This is my other baby Toro. He is 7 years old and the love of my life out side of my son Cody. I mean really who could not love those ears, or is it only a mother could love those ears? :)

The Grand God

This is one of the pictures I took at the grand canyon last week on my vacation. Isn't it beautiful!! I will tell you that before going to the grand canyon people really played it down and said that it was just a big whole in the ground and I was not sure if I wanted to see it. The were right it is a big whole in the grand but to me there was so much more to see. I see God. I know that scientist study the rock to see how long it has been there and how it got there but to me none of that matters really. I see God! I see a carefully crafted piece of art that He made for us to enjoy. For our pleasure. I could not help myself when I was there from just speaking out in tongues and praising God for the works of Hid hands. I just think that it is amazing! He is all around us in every way and in everything and you don't even have to look closely it is right in front of us if we would just remove the scales from our eyes. The enemy can blind us from so much in life so many wonderful things. So this is my thought for tonight. What can you see today that reminds you or God and how much He love us. This is mine for today lets see what I find tomorrow.

The Truth Be Told

Well, I have made my decision. I have decided to listen to God and I am not taking the baby from my brother and his girlfriend. My brother called me again tonight to have me talk to his girlfriend so she could ease my mind that everything was going to be fine and that she was going to be able to give us the baby. She said all the right things and if it was meant to be I would be the happiest women in the world right now, out shopping buy baby closes and kicking Eric out of the spare room to turn it into a nursery. But that is not the case. I spoke to my mom and told her how I felt. I told her that the last thing I want to for them to think that I don't want the baby because that could not be further from the truth!! I told her the story about Sara in the bible and even though she might think I was crazy I really felt like God was telling me not to be like her. Don't jump the gun, wait on me and the promise that I have given you. I explained to her that my flesh is screaming, " ARE YOU STUPID THIS MIGHT BE YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!" But for once in my life I need to listen to what I know God is telling me. Not that I am never going to have another baby but that this is just not my baby. I was very happy and surprised that she was so understanding. This has been another of my worries that I was burdening them by not talking the baby because they would have to help take care of this one long with the other two they have. But she understood and that meant the world to me. Thanks mom!! So that is that or kinda, no I have to tell my brother and his girlfriend. I have decided to write them a letter. I feel like the only way I can really be sure that they understand and that I can say all that I want to say it by writing it down. So that is my plain I will be working on it this weekend. I might try to put a proof copy on here if you all want to add comments. Thanks to all of you for your prays it means alot to me and it comforts me to know that I am making the right decision. Now down to serous business......Sara was like 90 when she had her baby. God, I hope we can work out a deal!! :)

Letting Go and Letting God

I only have a 15 minute drive to work and to most places that I go in town, but man how your mind can wonder in those few minutes. I got another phone call today from my brother about the baby. He called to congratulate me telling me that I was going to be a mom again of a little boy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! This is driving me crazy what do I do God what do I do!!! So as you can imagine this is what I was thinking tonight as I came home from dinner. It is like I am split down the middle. One part of me is excited and was looking at street sign to see if I saw a name that stood out to me, since my brother asked me what I was going to name him.TORTURE!!!! Then the other part of me is saying hold up, are you sure that this is what Gods wants you to do? Yes He might let you but that does not mean that it is His will. I can only pray that if it is not His will that He will shut it down and they will change their minds but something is telling me that this is a test to see if I really want His will or my will. I wish that I could just fast forward to the end of this story and this would all be over. Maybe it could be over tomorrow if I would listen to God and tell them that I can not take the baby? I need your prays, I know that is what He is telling me but I just can't bring myself to say the word! Why can't I just trust God and REALLY believe what He told me without doubting and move on!! I am so tired just really tired. I am sure that most of the people around me are tired of hearing me talk about it too, at least that is the way feel. I mean I am always saying how stupid it is not to trust the God of the whole world, the ruler of everything so why is it so hard? I guess it all comes down to fear and letting go of something honestly I never had control over.

Who Is Watching

So as part of my attempt to listen to what God is telling me I need to work in my life right now the one thing that he has been pressing on me is to be kinder to people at work. Not to the person personally but by not talking about them when they upset me behind their back. I think that everyone struggles with this sometimes, but for me God has laid this down as a problem for me. It is so much easier to complain to someone else instead of going to that people and telling them how you feel and we or I do this thinking that they are not there to see or hear what I have to say. But God is! I wonder how much kinder we all would be if Jesus was standing next to us all day long.....oh yeah that's right He is!!! Nothing that we do is in secret. God is always there but some how we forget that and chose no the care. I think that it is funny when I think about how I act when my boss walks by the room. I make sure that I am quite and doing my work just like I should, but God is with me all day and if He replayed some of the things I said and did when I thought no one else was looking, Man I would be horrified!! So I am really trying to be better. I don't think that I am a bad person but know that I can be a better person if I pay attention.

Feeling Better

It is funny how you can miss something you have never seen. It's funny how you can feel someone missing you that you have never seen! It is comforting to me to know that no matter how far away I put myself God is always there waiting for me, missing me wanting me. I can feel it, it is really cool and just reminds me how real He really is. I have been back sliding for the last couple months. Not going to Church not spending my time with Him and I can feel it. I feel like something is missing and He was. Not that He was not there but just that I have not been letting Him in. This week, today I start over. I start with Him in mind and keeping Him with me. I feel better today I still have a decision to make in regards to the baby situation but I feel good about where I am going and I know that in the end God will lead me to the right decision. I have decided to try and focus on some thing else. Something else beside what I want or how I feel but I focus on what other people may need from me today. If I spend all my time worrying and feeling sorry for myself then how can I possible help others? I love it when God speaks to me, the truth is He speaks to us all the time but we just don't always listen. This week He has reminded me to do a couple things that maybe I have not been doing lately.

1. Forgive
2. Be Kind
3. Be Patience
4. Be Slow to Anger

Things that I know I should be doing but when you pull yourself away you are quick to lose them. I was reading in Mathew and reading about how Jesus said that we should come to Him as the children. I was thinking about this for a while and then today when I was at work one of my patients came in with her little girl, about 4 years old. She sees me and run to my yelling Margie and hugs me. To cute right well before she left she said " I love you Margie" and gave me a kiss on my cheek priceless. This is what God was talking about!! This is how we are supposed to love Him and each other. This is how He loves us. Priceless just priceless!! This little girl just loves unconditional no restriction no judging just love!! That is the real picture of Jesus and the way He want us to be. I pray that I can get to that stage in my life where I live care free like a child going on day to day just loving and living in the comfort of my Fathers arms!!

The Truth About Walking

Walking is easy. You can walk just about any where you want. Sometimes you know where you are going and other times you just set out with no destination in mind. For me I think that most of the time I know where I want to go it is just stay on the correct path to get there. This is the truth about my walk with God and the direction for my life. Some times I feel like I know where I am going and am going on the right path and then something comes along and takes me some where that I never expected to go. As you can tell I have not been blogging in a while due to one of the detours. Anyone that knows me knows that I long for another child and have been unable to carry to term since my son. This consumes me more than I want it to. I had finally came to a place were I felt like I was ok with my life just the way to was and was ok if God blessed me with another child or not. I was happy with my life the way it was. Well, then the detour came. My brothers girlfriend found out that she was pregnant with their unexpected third child. Wow what a blessing for them as I bit my tongue trying not to let the ungodly anger come up again. The twist, they have offered to give this child to me. Wow now I am really scared!! What if they change their minds? What if I change my mind? Am I ready? Do I want this child YES!!! Am I scared YES!!! What am I scared of? I am scared of being out of Gods will for my life. I can't tell you how many times I have heard God tell me don't be like Sara. And I can't tell you how many people have confirmed that very saying. I am scared that if I take the baby it will be out of Gods will and it will not be the blessing that I want it to be and then I am scared that maybe this is my only chance and if I don't take it then I will never have another chance. What if I heard wrong? What does my heart say? Well, that is what I need to figure out. It is hard to get my flesh out of the way so I can hear it. It has caused me to fall away from what should be my true love, GOD. Sometimes I think that is it. I feel like until I can make God the true love an focus of my life nothing else will work. How do I let go of this? I want to move on and live my life for Him and Him alone but it aways seem to come back to this over and over again. The question is what do I do? I think that I know the answer to that but again am to scared to take that step. Pray for me please as I trying to get back on the path that God has made for me and not the enemy.