Busted!!

OK so as you can see I did not blog yesterday about what I ate.....why? Because I cheated! You see this is how is always goes for me. I do OK for a couple days and then I bomb!! I hate it when I do it and I just wish that I could eighter love myself enough to stop cheating or love myself enough to stop thinking about it all the time and just accept myself for who I am today. I guess I just know deep down that I can be better, but how do I get there? I hate feeling like this. It is back and forth back and forth all the time and it makes me feel helpless.

Stress Out!!

Today was a really stressful day at work! I did how ever manage to stay on track with me eating which is surprising for me. People much be praying, thanks! :) What happened at work, well noting out of the ordinary just one of those days when everyone wants something and wants it right now. Anyways, let me give you my food list for today.

Breakfast: Brand Cereal with coffee
Lunch: Turkey Sandwich( I liked it twice ) and yogurt with granola.
Dinner: Stake, Salad and a veggie.

I do have to confess that last night I did have a yogurt after to blogged so just so I am honest there you go. I guess sometime soon I should tell you my weight and what my goal for weight loss......but why rush things I mean we barely know each other, ha ha:) I will say good by for now but hopefully tomorrow I will have something better to blog about, until then God Bless!!

So I am here to give my daily eating report.
Breakfast: Wheat Toast with peanut butter, 2 cups of coffee with creamer
Lunch: Turkey sandwich with lettuce and tomatoes, little mayo
Dinner: Lean Cuisine with a salad

Not to bad if you ask me. I think that I figure to out to be just under 1000 calories. Tomorrow I will count better. I can only hope that this will work. I have tried and tried but always give up at the sight of something I think I want to eat or someone offering me something I know I don't need and just want. I think that I have decided that I will have a day once a month that I can have something special that I really want. I think that this will give me something to look forward to and help me not to go over board every other day of the week. Guess we will see.

Morning Thoughts

So for me the morning routine is the same. Get up start the coffee and start the thoughts. Hating myself and feeling bad about what I hate the day before wondering why I have no self control and why I can't just get this right. Why is food so important!! So I have decided, I am going to blog everyday what I have ate for the day. If I have to write it all down maybe I can think before I eat. I am so tired of this controlling my life. Pray for me! I know that everything is one step at a time but it seems like in this area it is one step forward and ten thousands steps back. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and feel good about my previous eating day. I am just so tired of feeling this way. I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF AND LOVE MYSELF!! Pray, pray, pray for me please.

Another Day at Work

Well, today was a typical day at work. I work at a doctors office working with nephrology patients ( kidneys). I have been doing this for 7 years now and for the most part I really enjoy what I do. I have found that even though recently I have been feeling like I want a change, the people that I have met and the friendships are worth the hassel that come sometimes. I remember before moving here that I thought and felt like I would never find people to uplift me in my walk like that people back home. In Texas before I came to know the Lord, I remember very clearly standing in my kitchen arguing with my husband about church and what religion that we should be. I was confused and maybe even a little scared. I remember yelling at him telling him " When God himself comes down here then and only then would I go to any Church or be any religion!!" Funny how God hear us and takes on the challenge. About a month later Eric met the women that would bring me to know Christ while hooking up her dish I love the story when she tells it. She says that she was chatting with Eric while he was hooking up the dish asking him out his family and life when she felt a overwhelming feeling that God wanted her to invite us to church. She said she argued with God in her head for a few minutes and then fine just blurted out " Got Church?" My husband responded with What? She said you know got church like got milk? LOL I think that is so funny I can only imagine God laughing at her as she says it but hey it got the point across and here we are today. That is inspiring to me and is something that I think about a lot. Just two simple words brought me and my family to Christ. It reminds me to never be afraid that speak out about your faith and to listen to God when he asks you to do something. I can only imagine where I would be today if she had not listen to God and asked us to church. It is not always easy but it is always for a reason. I was very close to her before I left and did keep in contact with her for much of the time that I have been here but after a while we went our own way and I prayed to God that He would send someone in my life that I could relate to again in that way and He did. She is a very special women and I love her very much and thank God everyday that she is in my life. ( Muareen) :) I ask God for everything and I love to see Him bring them to me. Sometime it is not in the same way I think it should be but He always comes though. So I am still feeling the itch to move in my job but again I am reminded that I am here for a reason and will try to wait on God to tell me where to go next.

My First Blog

Well, this will be my first blog entry and I am kinda excited to see how all this works. Today's agenda goes as follows....we are looking at another house! Why? Do I want to move? No!!! See this is the problem. My husband wants to move. We have moved more times since we have been married ( 12 years ) than I have in my whole life. This would not be a problem for some but for me I have a 15 year old son and a STRONG longing for a place that I can call my own. I for a very long time refused to dream that I would even have anything especially a home of my own. You know little house white picked fence, little dog and 2.5 kids. Well, none of these things have seemed to work out for me so I refused to even let myself dream. But now I am in a different place in my life. I am talking my life one step at a time and thanking God for ever small victory that I overcome. Things have not been easy and I am sure that most of us can agree that we are tested everyday. I have had a long struggle with the loss of the things in my life that I feel are important to make me that person that I think I should be but the more I grow in my walk with God the more I see that what I feel is important to have in this life is not as important as what He wants for me. Did I come to this revelation over night...Oh NO!! Let me give you a little history, I had my son when I was 16 and meet to my current husband when my son was 2 years old. For the last 10 years or so we have been trying to have a child together without success. I am able to get pregnant but miscarry shorty after. This has been a huge test in my faith and has surly but a dent in my plains for 2.5 kids. To add to this stress I was being told by my "friends"that I was cursed and that there was something that I or my husband was doing to cause God to let this happen to me. It's been a long road to recovery for me. I believe that I am one day going to have another child and I also believe that I will have the house that I dream of but in Gods timing. So my point is that for years I have been moving from house to house just hoping that it would be the one and trying and trying for another child hoping that it would be the one but in the end not matter what we try to do it will never work without God. I used to ask God, " OK so you don't want to give me a house and you don't want to give me a baby so what do you want me to do?" I figure since I was not going to have these things that there must be something else really big and wonderful that He had planned for me. You know like going to Africa to feed the hungry, start an organization here to help people and devote my life to the cause, you know something so big that it would require all of my time and energy. But last week while I was complaining that I was tired of doing the same old job and was ready for a change, God set up a dinner for myself and a friend at work. This was supposed to be a bible study with a couple people from our job, but at the last minute it turned out to be just her and I. As we started dinner and our bible study and she began to tell me of her life and struggles God really spoke to me and said,"This is important to me, you being here helping my people come to know me and have a relationship with me. Just because you are not going to Africa dose not make the work I have here for you any less important." This really spoke to me. I am here for a reason, I am at this job for a reason and until God moves me I need to be grateful and let him work out His plain not mine. So are we moving again? I don't know? Do I want to ? No! But I am willing to go were even God wants me because even though looking back on the last 10 years the moving the miscarriages I have to believe that is was and is all still for a reason.