Huff Huff Huff

So I am not great at this blogging thing. If you could take look into my written journal you would fine the same thing. I have a problem with being consistent not just with blogging but in a lot of things in my life. I have not spent time with God in the am for the last couple of days either. Why is it so hard to be consistent? I feel like I am just floating through life without a purpose. What is my purpose? Who know? See this is me! This is my walk!! Sometimes I am up and sometimes I am down!! Maybe some people don't like to read about peoples up and downs up but this is what my blog has become. IT IS ME!! I am not perfect and I am not consistent. Am I working on it? Daily! Sometimes I even get tired of hearing myself complain that is why I don't blog sometimes. I mean really enough is enough right! Get over myself I say!! There are more important things to think about and worry about in the this world. Right? I don't even know what I am saying any more or where I am going with this. This is dumb!! Let me tell you why I have not been spending time with God the last couple days. I have this friend she is very much addicted to drugs, pain pill mostly. She called me the other day to say that she was in so much pain that she went to the ER for some help. Code for she needed some pills. She tells me that she has a crocked spine and nerve damage in the hand and feet. The ER doctor gives her some meds and she goes to her regular doctor the next day. They tell her that her has fibromyalgia I am thinking great now is has an excused to keep taking the pain pill for the rest of her life and someone to give them to her. But she called me this weekend and told me that God has healed her and she was full of the holy spirit. She said that she had been in so much pain that she could not get out of bed but decided to try and go with her husband to her mothers house. She said that her son had to help her out of the car and into the house. Once they came in her mother in law had a friend there that was visiting. She took on look at her and saw the pain that she was in and they started to pray over her in tongues and in the spirit. She said after that she was healed and able to run and jump and has been without pain every since that day. Do I believe this storey YES!! Do I believe that God healed her YES! So what is the problem? Why her? Why not me? Why not all the other people that live their lives for God and their prayers are not answered? Why can't we all be healed? Why even though I do believe that God will heal me do I have to work so hard for it and others do nothing but get prayed over. Why am I questioning God? I just have to. Things that I think about and know that no one can answer. Just makes me wonder what I am doing wrong? I understand that God does everything for a reason and that maybe He wants her healed now to help and save someone else and I also understand that maybe he is letting me go through my walk this way to build my character but sometimes I just don't fully get it. I have another friend that has a problem with drinking. I see her everyday trying and moving through the motions look to God all the way and still she relapsed. Why can't God set her free from her chains to live a normal life again. Is this not why Jesus died to set us free. And I know that she is asking and praying for that healing,so why not just heal her? Question question question I could go on forever and still never know until I get there I guess.