Weight Watchers

Well, I am down 14.6 as of today and I tell you it feels great to finally be doing this and getting it right. Before I stopped after a couple weeks but this time I am going all the way. I have 8 more pounds until I hit my 10% and the I get 10% key chain. I know that it may sound funny but I can't wait to get it. My total goal is to loss 60 pounds and keep it off and I really think I can do it this time!! So excited!! I know that it is not much to say to night but man I am just so happy!

Doubting

So I am seeing that there is much more the this bloggin than meets the eye. I am kinda digging it!! So I have not sent the letter yet I was really feeling yuck this weekend about it. I know that it is the right thing to do but I know that once I send this letter that will be the end of it. So I was praying that God would just give me another sign that this was really His will and not just me being scared. So I called my friend Carla this morning. You may remember me talking about her before she was the one that brought me to my relationship with Christ. Anyway, she is really hard to get a hold of and this morning I got a hold of her. I have not talked to her in about month and there she was. It was so nice to hear her voice I just needed a little reasurence you know. So I gave her the full story and she confirmed what I need to hear. She said " Margie as badly so you want a baby for you to hear that this is not your child has to be God" I just needed to hear it again. She said that she would continue to pray but that is what she felt when I told her. So I am going to mail the letter tomorrow. I have to let this go, besides I am borning myseld with talking and thinking about this so much. I want to move on! So I will!!

The Hardest Letter I Have Ever Had To Wright

Ok so this is the letter I will send to my brother. Please read and comment I am open to any suggestion before I send it.


Dear Marc and Rachell,

This is probably that hardest letter I will ever have to wright. First of all I want to tell you that the gift you are offering me is the most amazing gift I could ever ask for and will ever be offered again. I want this child more than you or anyone knows that is why it make this even hard to say. I have decided not to take the baby. I know that you are probably wondering why I did not just call you and tell you this and the reason is this. I want you to really HEAR what I am saying from my heart and I felt that the only way I could do that was to but it on paper. I want this baby! I want it so bad my hands shake and I cry as I write this letter. I feel like I am turning away my last change to ever have another child and it scares me to death! But what has brought me to my decision is God. I hope that the two of you can understand this and you may even think that I am crazy but this is the truth. Through all this miscarriages I have had I have heard God telling me that my child will come, but I have to be patience and wait on Him. I have been waiting 15 years now and I thought that your offer of this child was the answer to that pray but I feel that is not true. I am constantly reminded of Sarah in the bible. If you don't know that story I will share it with you now. Sarah and her husband were promised a child by God and Sarah just became older and older with still no child. She decided that she would let her husband be with the maid servant so that he could have an child. Long story short Sarah did end up having a child but had to go though letting her husband be with another women and see them have child which I can imagine was painful and in the end the pain was unnecessary if she would have just been patience and waited on God. I don't want to be like Sarah. I want to be able to have a child and it be in Gods will. I hope that you can understand what I am say and if not at least respect my decision. This child is a blessing. Maybe he was not planed but he is a blessing and he has a brother and a sister waiting for him when he gets here, along with two parent and grandma and grandpa that will love him as well. I know that this will be a struggle for you but that is what family is for and we will all be here for you. Please don't think either that it is because it was a boy that I am say no because that can't be further from the truth. Boys are great and they sure do love their mothers I would give anything to experience that all over again. I can't tell you how often I look at Cody and wish he was still a little guy running around the house in a towel as a cape. Boys are a joy!! So I hope that you both understand and know how much I love you both for what you have offered me, again it is truly the best gift I could have ever asked for.

Love,
Margie

Stange The Things That Make You Think

So I finally saw the movie Avatar, if you have not seen it yet a totally recommend you take a look. It is out us ( people on earth going to another plant and trying to force the people there to leave so we could get this rock that was worth a lot of money. Typical get greed factor. The thing that entreated me was the place that they lived. It was so beautiful and amazing it got me thinking about heaven. I know that this is just a very small window into the amazing wonders that God has waiting for us but I still just longed to be there. I know it sounds weird but I think that it was just the peace and the beauty that drew me. It makes me excited for the thought of Heaven and what it will be like!! I just can't imagine! It also makes me think about what I have done lately to prove that I deserve this gift? What have I done lately or am I doing to further the kingdom? What is my purpose here? I go to work and home everyday, I am a slave to my debt and feel like I can't get any were I until I get rid of it. Lesson learned? Yes but I know that I need to be doing something I am just not sure what. I am reminded of a story that a pastor told us once when he was asking people to volunteer in the Church. He said that him and his brother were play and he fell and hit his foot. In extreme pain he looked down and saw that his little toe nail was gone. Oh the pain he said. He said that it was something very small and that did not seem very important to him until it was missing. He explained that even though you might feel like you are not doing anything major in the church or in life and that no one will miss you the truth is that every thing that everyone does is important and when you are gone everyone feels it. So I guess I know that there is nothing to small that I can do but I just need to start doing it. What do you all do to help bless people and please God?

Not to much to say about this photo, just want to share him will the blogg world. This is my other baby Toro. He is 7 years old and the love of my life out side of my son Cody. I mean really who could not love those ears, or is it only a mother could love those ears? :)

The Grand God

This is one of the pictures I took at the grand canyon last week on my vacation. Isn't it beautiful!! I will tell you that before going to the grand canyon people really played it down and said that it was just a big whole in the ground and I was not sure if I wanted to see it. The were right it is a big whole in the grand but to me there was so much more to see. I see God. I know that scientist study the rock to see how long it has been there and how it got there but to me none of that matters really. I see God! I see a carefully crafted piece of art that He made for us to enjoy. For our pleasure. I could not help myself when I was there from just speaking out in tongues and praising God for the works of Hid hands. I just think that it is amazing! He is all around us in every way and in everything and you don't even have to look closely it is right in front of us if we would just remove the scales from our eyes. The enemy can blind us from so much in life so many wonderful things. So this is my thought for tonight. What can you see today that reminds you or God and how much He love us. This is mine for today lets see what I find tomorrow.

The Truth Be Told

Well, I have made my decision. I have decided to listen to God and I am not taking the baby from my brother and his girlfriend. My brother called me again tonight to have me talk to his girlfriend so she could ease my mind that everything was going to be fine and that she was going to be able to give us the baby. She said all the right things and if it was meant to be I would be the happiest women in the world right now, out shopping buy baby closes and kicking Eric out of the spare room to turn it into a nursery. But that is not the case. I spoke to my mom and told her how I felt. I told her that the last thing I want to for them to think that I don't want the baby because that could not be further from the truth!! I told her the story about Sara in the bible and even though she might think I was crazy I really felt like God was telling me not to be like her. Don't jump the gun, wait on me and the promise that I have given you. I explained to her that my flesh is screaming, " ARE YOU STUPID THIS MIGHT BE YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!" But for once in my life I need to listen to what I know God is telling me. Not that I am never going to have another baby but that this is just not my baby. I was very happy and surprised that she was so understanding. This has been another of my worries that I was burdening them by not talking the baby because they would have to help take care of this one long with the other two they have. But she understood and that meant the world to me. Thanks mom!! So that is that or kinda, no I have to tell my brother and his girlfriend. I have decided to write them a letter. I feel like the only way I can really be sure that they understand and that I can say all that I want to say it by writing it down. So that is my plain I will be working on it this weekend. I might try to put a proof copy on here if you all want to add comments. Thanks to all of you for your prays it means alot to me and it comforts me to know that I am making the right decision. Now down to serous business......Sara was like 90 when she had her baby. God, I hope we can work out a deal!! :)