My First Blog

Well, this will be my first blog entry and I am kinda excited to see how all this works. Today's agenda goes as follows....we are looking at another house! Why? Do I want to move? No!!! See this is the problem. My husband wants to move. We have moved more times since we have been married ( 12 years ) than I have in my whole life. This would not be a problem for some but for me I have a 15 year old son and a STRONG longing for a place that I can call my own. I for a very long time refused to dream that I would even have anything especially a home of my own. You know little house white picked fence, little dog and 2.5 kids. Well, none of these things have seemed to work out for me so I refused to even let myself dream. But now I am in a different place in my life. I am talking my life one step at a time and thanking God for ever small victory that I overcome. Things have not been easy and I am sure that most of us can agree that we are tested everyday. I have had a long struggle with the loss of the things in my life that I feel are important to make me that person that I think I should be but the more I grow in my walk with God the more I see that what I feel is important to have in this life is not as important as what He wants for me. Did I come to this revelation over night...Oh NO!! Let me give you a little history, I had my son when I was 16 and meet to my current husband when my son was 2 years old. For the last 10 years or so we have been trying to have a child together without success. I am able to get pregnant but miscarry shorty after. This has been a huge test in my faith and has surly but a dent in my plains for 2.5 kids. To add to this stress I was being told by my "friends"that I was cursed and that there was something that I or my husband was doing to cause God to let this happen to me. It's been a long road to recovery for me. I believe that I am one day going to have another child and I also believe that I will have the house that I dream of but in Gods timing. So my point is that for years I have been moving from house to house just hoping that it would be the one and trying and trying for another child hoping that it would be the one but in the end not matter what we try to do it will never work without God. I used to ask God, " OK so you don't want to give me a house and you don't want to give me a baby so what do you want me to do?" I figure since I was not going to have these things that there must be something else really big and wonderful that He had planned for me. You know like going to Africa to feed the hungry, start an organization here to help people and devote my life to the cause, you know something so big that it would require all of my time and energy. But last week while I was complaining that I was tired of doing the same old job and was ready for a change, God set up a dinner for myself and a friend at work. This was supposed to be a bible study with a couple people from our job, but at the last minute it turned out to be just her and I. As we started dinner and our bible study and she began to tell me of her life and struggles God really spoke to me and said,"This is important to me, you being here helping my people come to know me and have a relationship with me. Just because you are not going to Africa dose not make the work I have here for you any less important." This really spoke to me. I am here for a reason, I am at this job for a reason and until God moves me I need to be grateful and let him work out His plain not mine. So are we moving again? I don't know? Do I want to ? No! But I am willing to go were even God wants me because even though looking back on the last 10 years the moving the miscarriages I have to believe that is was and is all still for a reason.