Feelings

Are feelings lies or are they real? The way I feel about myself I know does not line up with the word of God and I know this to be true then why do I still feel this way. Why can't I just love myself for who I am right now or love myself enough to change! It is like a vicious cycle back and forth. I hate feeling this way but I also know that I am the only one that can do anything to change it. So what do i do? I want to be able to live my life and be happy without feel guilty. Yes we are talking about my weight again because honestly it is all I think about. It controls almost my every thought and I am so tired of it. I also have not been to Church or pick up my bible for about 2 weeks now and that is not helping me either. I miss Him and I can feel the tug on my heart for Him missing me too. I love that feeling and it makes me want to cry just realizing that the God of the whole world misses me and wants to spend time with me. Why am I so selfish? I know that some where deep down inside me there is a place a person that can do all the things that God has planed for me but it is finding the strength to pull that person out that gets me every time. They say it is so much easier believe that bad stuff over the good. I don't know about that. I guess in the moment you may feel good but afterwards you feel worse than ever. Bottom line is I know that it comes down to Me, Myself and God. He told us that it would not be easy,not just my weight problem but everything in life. I just feel like if I can just get passed this one thing, the main thing in my life that holds me back from feeling good about myself I can spit in the face of the enemy and get on really living and loving myself. Please pray for me. I had a pastor once tell me that when we live for the flesh we are feeding are our big fat black dog ( Satan our flesh ) all the while there is a little skinny white dog ( God our spirit ) who is starving to death and begging for out attention. I can see this picture in my head when I think about him telling me this. Why do we do that? Why do I do that? I want to start feeding my spirit and not my flesh pray for me that I can work on this.