Huff Huff Huff

So I am not great at this blogging thing. If you could take look into my written journal you would fine the same thing. I have a problem with being consistent not just with blogging but in a lot of things in my life. I have not spent time with God in the am for the last couple of days either. Why is it so hard to be consistent? I feel like I am just floating through life without a purpose. What is my purpose? Who know? See this is me! This is my walk!! Sometimes I am up and sometimes I am down!! Maybe some people don't like to read about peoples up and downs up but this is what my blog has become. IT IS ME!! I am not perfect and I am not consistent. Am I working on it? Daily! Sometimes I even get tired of hearing myself complain that is why I don't blog sometimes. I mean really enough is enough right! Get over myself I say!! There are more important things to think about and worry about in the this world. Right? I don't even know what I am saying any more or where I am going with this. This is dumb!! Let me tell you why I have not been spending time with God the last couple days. I have this friend she is very much addicted to drugs, pain pill mostly. She called me the other day to say that she was in so much pain that she went to the ER for some help. Code for she needed some pills. She tells me that she has a crocked spine and nerve damage in the hand and feet. The ER doctor gives her some meds and she goes to her regular doctor the next day. They tell her that her has fibromyalgia I am thinking great now is has an excused to keep taking the pain pill for the rest of her life and someone to give them to her. But she called me this weekend and told me that God has healed her and she was full of the holy spirit. She said that she had been in so much pain that she could not get out of bed but decided to try and go with her husband to her mothers house. She said that her son had to help her out of the car and into the house. Once they came in her mother in law had a friend there that was visiting. She took on look at her and saw the pain that she was in and they started to pray over her in tongues and in the spirit. She said after that she was healed and able to run and jump and has been without pain every since that day. Do I believe this storey YES!! Do I believe that God healed her YES! So what is the problem? Why her? Why not me? Why not all the other people that live their lives for God and their prayers are not answered? Why can't we all be healed? Why even though I do believe that God will heal me do I have to work so hard for it and others do nothing but get prayed over. Why am I questioning God? I just have to. Things that I think about and know that no one can answer. Just makes me wonder what I am doing wrong? I understand that God does everything for a reason and that maybe He wants her healed now to help and save someone else and I also understand that maybe he is letting me go through my walk this way to build my character but sometimes I just don't fully get it. I have another friend that has a problem with drinking. I see her everyday trying and moving through the motions look to God all the way and still she relapsed. Why can't God set her free from her chains to live a normal life again. Is this not why Jesus died to set us free. And I know that she is asking and praying for that healing,so why not just heal her? Question question question I could go on forever and still never know until I get there I guess.

Morning Prayer

Ok so even though I did not blog last night I did get on my knees and pray that morning and this morning. I have decided that I wont get up early but that I can make time in the morning to spend with God after Eric is off to work and Cody is off to school. So Tuesday morning was good. I got on m knees for about 15 minutes and instead of praying I just listened. I felt like God was telling me that I need to listen to Him more. He said that there are going to be tough time coming when I will need to make hard decisions and I need to listen to Him. He said that the things that He will ask me to do will not seem maybe right in the world eye I guess you could say but they are going to be His will for me. So I have to listen!! The other thing I heard over and over again was just how much He loves me. I was thinking later I wonder why I kept hearing that over and over and God just revealed to me that I don't really believe or understand how much He loves me and He is going to continue to tell me until I really believe Him. So it was nice and I looked forward to doing it this morning. This morning was more of me just listening and God telling me that I need to be praying for the people in my life everyday. He said that He has put these people in my life for a reason and I need to pray for them. Even the ones that I no longer see or talk to. They were introduced into my life and He wants me to lift them up in pray. Kinda like the scripture talking about pray for you enemies, that is the feeling I got. So I am trying to do what He is asking me to do. I am trying listen more when I feel Him speaking and will be praying for the people I know in my life more. It is only a start and I know that 15 minutes does not seem like much but I believe that it means the world to Him and that in time as my faith grows so will that time.

Spending Time

Why is it so hard to spend time with God? I was reading in Mark and it was saying that Jesus got up early in the morning before the sun came up to spend time with God and pray. I want to be able to do that, but honestly I am to lazy. Do I think that it would improve me life and make me feel better? No doubt! So why is even the thought of it so hard? I get up every morning at 6:00am to get ready for work. Why? Because I have to be at work at 8:30. Why is it that I can commit to my job in that way but can not commit to God in the same way? I am sure, so sure that the pay off will be way more than any pay check I get every 2 weeks, so why it is so hard? Jesus said that it would not be easy and I guess if it was then it would not be God. I mean really why would the enemy make something that brings us closer to God easy!! I think that my fear is that I am going to get up earlier and get on my knees and the think....ok now what? Am I supposed to be saying something? Am I supposed to be feeling something? And what if I don't have I done something wrong. I have heard of people getting up and hitting their knee every morning and spending time with God for hours. What are they experience? What are they feeling? Believe me if I knew that it was going to be this amazing experience every morning I would be there no matter what. But what if it is not? Maybe it is not supposed to be right at first? Maybe God wants us to be the first ones to make the step to meet Him and then He will meet us? I think that I will at least try. Starting tomorrow I will get up 30 minutes earlier and get on my knees and spend that time with God. I will blog about what I experience and hopefully what I hear. I don't know about you but I love it when I hear from God it is truly a blessing.

Angels

Are there really Angels among us? I was listening to the radio tonight and they were talking about angels. People see them around other people. So what do you think? I heard a story once from Joyce Myer, she said that after one of her shows someone came up to her and told her this story. There was a man and a women that attended the conference. The man had brought the women for her birthday and was mostly there just for her. After Joyce spoke the husband asked the wife. Who were the 4 men in white coats that followed Joyce during the show. His wife was confused and asked what men. He said that when Joyce came out on the stage 4 men followed her and when she started to speak they drew swords and stood at attention the whole time. There were no men on the stage that anyone else say but a glimpse from God for this man to see the angels that guarded Joyce. The man was saved that night!! So it just got me thinking again....do I really have angels that are with me? Do you have angels that are with you? What kind of Godly power do these angels hold for us? I have heard that they respond to the Word of God, what am I missing out on? Just a thought, one of those questions you have and can't figure out and put to the back of your mind. Like this one,will I get to see my babies when I get to heaven? How old will they be? Will they know me? Do they know and see me know? Oh man I could go on for days!! Guess I just need to be in prayer and word to get some real answers!

Good Old Times

Today for me was a blast from the past! Listening to old music, watching old movies and thinking about old times. It is fun to think about the time when I was younger and the fun things I used to do along with the stupid things I used to do. I was watching karate kid tonight, Love that movie and just remembering where I was in my life when I first saw that movie. I was probably in Junior high, looking pretty nerdy and thinking that I knew everything there was to know about live. Man I didn't know anything!! Don't you just wish that for one minute you could be a kid again? No bills, no responsibilities but maybe cleaning your room and going to school for free and getting an education. What was I thinking when I said I wanted to grow up and move out! Now I have more bill than I can pay, more responsibility than I probably want and I can't go to school because I can't afford it. Man we really had it made back then!! But anyways the times are fun to remember I guess and even though I did some stupid things I would not change anything! One of the biggest mistakes that I thought I made at the time was getting pregnant at 15, probably not the right age but differently the right child! Cody is differently the BIGGEST blessing in my life and I could not ever imagine not having him in it. He is 15 now and will be16 in November. Thinking about old times I remember when I was pregnant with him looking at his car seat thinking I can't wait until he is here and now he is getting ready to drive. Where does the time go? So I guess my point is time flies so don't talk it for granted and take the time to remember the good and the bad there is always a lesson learned or to be learned with each experience.

Bucket List

So I was thinking it may sound crazy but I think I want to make a bucket list. There are so many things that I want to do and places I would like to go. I have many excuses why I can't or don't but that true is I can do all these things if I put my mind to it and think ahead. So here is my bucket list as of right now.


1. Take my son to China
2. Go to France
3. Do missionary work in another country
4. Reach my weight loss goal.
5. Get my nursing degree
6. Ger out of debt
7. Climb a mountain
8. Sky dive
9. Open a center to help the homeless


I am sure I can think of more but these are some of the top. So now the mission is to get started on it.....where do I start???

When He Speaks

So I don't know about you but when God speaks to me He speaks to me. Today He was really speaking to me about someone that I work with. I think that probably from day one I had been told that this person was controlling and mean. So that is pretty much how I have seen her from the beginning. I have let myself get caught up in what other people said instead of getting to know this person for who they really are. I am sure like all of us this person as their faults and has areas in her life that need work, but we all do! So today God was really speaking to me about getting to know her, pray for her and to try and understand her. It is so much easier for us to just talk crap about someone than it is to pray for them and befriend them. Why is that so hard? I think for me it was putting my pride a side and telling her that I was sorry for judging her on the basis of what other people have said and letting the form my opinion of her. Jesus did not come to heal the well He came to heal the sick. That is the message I was getting today as I looked at this person. She is hurting, she needs pray and that is what I should be doing for her. Jesus said that it is easy to love someone that loves you, but what we should be doing is love those who don't love us so we can show them Jesus and so that they might be saved. I see that need in this persons eyes. Pray for your enemy, I would not say that she is my enemy but I would say she is someone that I would not normally befriend. So here is the challenge. God is telling me that I am to help her pray for her and help lead her to Him. How am I going to do this? I am not so sure. I think I am going to start with prayer, prayer and more prayer! God lead me in the direction you want me to go and help me see what You see, hear what You hear and say what You would say.